Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
