She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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