To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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