but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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