you guys were way drunker than both of me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
