I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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