chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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