why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
