I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
