Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
