i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
