her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
