I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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