You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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