I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize