He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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