She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
