My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
