and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize