The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize