woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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