I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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