Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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