I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
