Me too!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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