Umm I'm too high to move.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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