The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
