Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She bit a glass in half.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
