I think im going to throw up on grandma
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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