When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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