just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sobbing to NWA
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
