Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
