Quick, to the slutcave!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
