Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
