First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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