I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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