Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
