This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
