You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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