ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
