btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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