the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
