erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
