Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
