My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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