12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
