Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
