he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize