remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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