ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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