his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
