The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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