The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
