Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
