Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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