I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
