I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
