Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
