im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
