btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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